[Guest Blog Post]
Writer: Yaweh Parawan Aviles
Date: September 07, 2011, 02:47 P.M
Warning: Some parts or topics in this article might make you incensed or upset.
There are so many kinds of love; romantic love, platonic/friendly love, interpersonal love, family love, teacher love, neighbor love, love of God and the like. Since this topic is broad, above all these kinds, I will be focusing on interpersonal love, religious love and friendly or platonic love.
IN SCIENCE: Interpersonal love refers to love between human beings. It is a more potent sentiment than a simple liking for another.
Helen Fisher, a leading expert in the topic of love, divides the experience of love into three partly overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment.
Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years. Attachment is the bonding that promotes relationships lasting for many years and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin to a greater degree than short-term relationships have.
Enzo Emanuele and coworkers reported the protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these return to previous levels after one year.
♥MY INTERPERSONAL LOVE VIEWS♥
Love is one of the desires of every individual in this world. It gives unexplained feelings that even words can’t equate the meaning. When we hear love, what pops in our mind is maybe the one we are in love and inspired with. We always think of that person in every day and night we are awake. We smile beautifully because of this someone special.
To those who are “torpe”/timid/stupid, fight your feelings to that someone you love, what important is you are true to yourself and genuine to your feelings to him/her; but never forget to be ready and accept whatever outcome you may achieve coz this may be difficult for you especially if you are rejected.
In every love are reasons behind. Why do we love this person? Why do we want this person? Why do we need this person?; questions that need many answers. Some answers are malicious; some are facts or based in science and research. Some answers are based from our experiences.
Here are some reasons that I researched and read from science based findings. Some are based from my curious mind, seeking knowledge and answers and keen observation and few of them are from my recent past experience.
Some of them are: We love that person just because of the physical appearance; I mean the physical enchantment (charming, good looking) that we are astounded of. Loving that person for the reason that of the internal beauty, connotation being a good one, caring, helpful, modest, comical and et cetera. For sure, we love him/her due to the product of our subterranean and long relationship with him/her as being friends that resulted to not just being friends but more. We want that person simply you want him/her in your life as a product of love. In some way is malicious, we need that person just seeing that we want our sexual desire to be meet. Or in some ways, we want him/her to have only relationship or peer pressure. Some of our reason is that it is only our tripping (trip-trip lang) or as experience. And perhaps the last but somehow the worst, we love him/her just to cover-hole the unforgettable past about love, denoting we are only using them.
These reasons are real in life; basic physiological needs, product of being friends and some of these reasons are intentional which is nastiest.
Based from my findings, observations and research, people love their someone special from the following outcomes; 63% people shows affection to someone due to the reason of his/her physical appearance, 29% a product of more than being friends or bondship, 5% due to the sexual desire and the remaining 3% is just a trip, for experience et cetera.
But based from my own experience, I love that person for the following; 42% resulted as from being friends until it developed, 41% as who she is, 12% came from needing that person in my life as a product of love and 5% from physical-mesmerize.
Each of us has different reasons why do we love someone (him/her).
On the other hand are the brokenhearted. This is dejected for those that who are in this situation. The miserable part of love is being rejected or being separated from love-ones.
But sometimes we need to accept this fact, not all of love affairs are in jovial ending. But don’t get your hope loose though sometimes it’s frail, who knows there’s a better someone who are right to have our unequatable love that will come to love us truly than the one of the past; but if none then don’t be disappointed, happiness in life is a choice. Maybe, reasons are not yet known why this happened; maybe, someone unexpected will come right before our eyes who will love us as who we are and accept the whole we. As being brokenhearted, blaming God is unacceptable and unforgivable like what I have done few months before that I remorse(regret) so much.
Desperate to be loved by someone else is ludicrous. Commitment with and loving God is great.
On my part, I have experienced this phenomenon, yes, normal negative feelings felt. Being in a corner always, thinking why did this happened, why its me and why I feel pain so much. As time goes by, I realized that it’s totally all over. But to resolve the pain, I need to sacrifice the companionship formed and intend to forget her that I don’t want too; I can’t do anything but this. Its hurting me of doing this and maybe on her part too but nothing I can do aside from these. No texts or messages. Everytime we see each other, I always pretending that I do not want to talk to her, asking how she is and on how she’s doin’; doing this augments pain in my heart. But in reality I can’t fool myself, that I miss her, missing the whole she, missing our companionship from before, that I want to talk to her, that I want to see her; though feelings is still there, I can’t do anything but to make-believe that I’m not. Coz in reality, I have limitations. Honestly, I want to pull back the time to return from the past of what we are before than at this present that changes prevail.
Above all, I guess she doesn’t need any help from me anymore since she’s in anybody else’s hands who will help her always. That she already doesn’t need me since the guy is at her side always. She hasn’t appreciated what I have helped and done for her since she has said that word which destroyed my pride. I believe and accept that one day she will be forgetting my name and the whole me. What I want for her is happiness right now.
As of now, I am happy of today. Acceptance made my heart free. Accepting God again made my heart in ease and in love. Acceptance of the changes between she and me made me to start the life with new chapter of merriness. Being not love by someone is not a case, but on how you love God and yourself is not comparable.
Below is a letter-poem that I made and supposed to be given to her last June 2011. But now, this little piece is only a trash and kept in a book. Note, this is only the excerption of the whole letter...Ü
TO THE SPECIAL SOMEONE I LOVE
♥
YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING
YOU ARE MY LIFE
YOU ARE MY HOPE
YOU ARE MY SANTUARY
YOU ARE MY HAPPINESS
YOU ARE MY STRENGTH
YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME
YOU ARE ALL TO ME
I DON’T WANT TO LOOSE YOU
I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE WITH OTHER’S HAND
DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE
IF THAT HAPPENED
I CAN’T HOLD FOR IT
I CAN’T AFFORD
I WILL RID OFF MY LIFE IF THAT HAPPENED
I WILL DIE COZ I DON’T HAVE YOU THAT I LOST YOU
I WANT TO BE WITH YOU ALWAYS
I WANT TO SEE YOU ALWAYS
I WANT TO SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE WITH YOU
I WANT TO MARRY YOU
COZ I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE
COZ I CARE FOR YOU
COZ I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
COZ YOU ARE SPECIAL
COZ YOU ARE UNIQUE
COZ NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE YOU BUT ALL POSITIVE WORDS
COZ YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO MADE MY HEART BEAT LIKE THIS
I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU
WAITING FOR THAT TIME AND PROMISE TO HAPPEN
EVEN YEARS, EVEN DECADES, EVEN UNTIL MY DEATH
EVEN IN THE OTHER DIMENSION OF LIFE-HEAVEN
I HOPE THAT WAITING FOR YOU WILL BE GRANTED
♥
♥MY RELIGIOUS LOVE/LOVE OF GOD VIEWS♥
Being in a relationship is triple or more the ecstatic than those who are only being in love; but sometimes when we are in a relationship or in love, we are unaware of being selfish. We think only of ourselves and our own merriness. We unconsciously forget about GOD who loves us more than we know. We only remember Him when we are in need of Him, when we ask for something. Our mutual love is compared to nothing than HIM and our love to HIM.
In John 14:15, the Lord said, “If you love me, keep my commandments”. Have you ever told yourself that you love God? If yes, how? It’s easy to say “I love God”. We do say “I love you God”; but are we sincere enough? Oftentimes, we only love God simply because we need favors from Him or we need something from Him. For some reason, we say that we love Him but behind we are just in the purpose to show to other people that we are devoted to Him or just to show our being religious.
In loving God, in every morning that you wake up, just even once a day, you say “I love you God as you love me though I am a sinner”. Even you can’t go to church due to some reasons, praying, following His commandments and deeds, and remembering Him in our house or in some place and in everything we do is enough because I know that He understand you or us.
♥MY FRIENDLY LOVE VIEWS♥
Our commitment/love to our friends is somewhat the same to that of interpersonal love. We share the love with them as friends and nothing more. We call our friends as only friends but sometimes we do not know that this is also called love to our co-beings; where no sexual gratification or intimate feelings involve. Friendly love means friendship that is deeper than being as friends only.
In public views, friendly love is more beautiful to see between opposite sex as if they are like “lovers in Paris” or even girl to girl friendly love where nothing malicious involve even though they are so close with each other. Unlike boy to boy friendly love relationship, maliciousness comes first in the mind of other people; sometimes saying “yack/baduy” or is there something from them? compared to the opposite sex though intrigue sometimes, they do not say yuck or baduy but instead thinking as if they are more than friends which is not; thinking and judging there every action of something deeper than being friends.
If we are being viewed and judged as this, don’t mind there malevolent thinking; they don’t care; they do not have any rights to judge but God Himself. Whom they are judging for is God not us, why? Because we are molded in His own holy image; like in sayings “what you did to others is the same what you did to Him”.
**Just remember this, we can do anything for our love-ones, being kind, humorous, comical, intelligent, good-looking or any positive attributes as if lie being perfect, but if we can’t his/her heart, it’s useless. We in our limit, limitations that humans have; we are not perfect. –
YAWEH PARAWAN AVILES
**Love can’t be explained by anybody else unless you are in it. Science can explain how passion begins and the body’s mechanisms but never the feelings that an individual feels. –
YAWEH PARAWAN AVILES
**Just remember this, we can do anything for our love-ones, being kind, humorous, comical, intelligent, good-looking or any positive attributes as if lie being perfect, but if we can’t win his/her heart, it’s useless. We are of our limits, limitations that humans have; we are not perfect. -- YAWEH PARAWAN AVILES
